a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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