So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
