I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
