I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
