Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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