mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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