Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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