This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
