Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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