I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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