I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But theres a keg here and me gusta
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
