I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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