She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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