The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
