your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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