i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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