its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
