she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She bit a glass in half.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
