i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've blown a few things in my day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
