do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
