Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
