even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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