best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
