bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
