so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
