Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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