First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
