I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
