This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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