you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You ruined the universe
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
