i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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