He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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