I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
