If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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