I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
