I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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