After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
