Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
