Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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