Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
