I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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