I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
