I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
