you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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