you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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