I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
