I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
