ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
