You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pants are for mortals
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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