i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
