You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
