I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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