Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
