My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
