Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
