I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
