don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
