How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
