Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
