i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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