Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
