3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
