Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
