I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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