no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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