Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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