How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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