dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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