I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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