I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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