how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
