watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
