Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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