i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
