escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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