Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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