OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
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So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.