Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had sex on a dog bed..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in