From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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