I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever