don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night