if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.