i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
