you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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