A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Someone came in the potted fern
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
