Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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