He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
