if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
